It had been a rough walk for my life that you didn't know, but i keep believing against the odds that its a green pasture on the other side when i get there.

Struggling to run two businesses and learning a trade for a potential new business has been a tough job without discipline and a distracting heart for someone i care a lot is not bringing me anywhere.

I'd made lots of losses even before the distraction took place, and till date i'd lost my senses after the distraction took place. It's so wrong but it felt so right. That's the senseless thing that happens when i care someone before myself. I'd forgotten the fact that without loving myself first, i wouldn't survive, and i couldn't even have care for someone else. That's the same principal for filial piety. Hurting my own body with cigarettes and alcohol hurts any one's parent to see them coming back home drunk in misery. When i say i haven't change, i meant my feelings for you haven't.

There's many things that you didn't know. Saying it to bridge this gap suppose to help, but i don't understand why is it that i said it you don't see it. A relationship is about giving in and giving out, if i worked 2 weeks without much sleep to get bruises and unreasonable scoldings from a boss would i want to carry on working for the boss? If i worked 2 weeks to find out that i am actually losing my hair than earning money, would i want to carry on working? The fact that one would carry on working only shows pure stupidity or sees it as its worth or even puts his boss life in front of himself which results in unconditional passion.
If i were to let myself distracted n not love myself anymore becoming your accusation of being changed. I beg you to differ that i was changing for the better of our future than to think that i changed my feelings for you. I still carried on dropping by, giving you small surprises only to spoil them by being to honest when you called to ask where i am. But if you keep thinking that i'd changed my feelings because u think that i no longer give you surprises, just think otherwise.

There's no good or bad. Thinking makes it so. A slap on a cheek can be an emotional pain when you think that the other party slapped you purposely, n the pain could remain for days. A slap on the cheek could just be a moment of sharp pain with no emotional hurts when you think that the other party is just joking around and accidentally slapped too hard. If you were to keep thinking that i will change one day, you will keep digging my phone for the slightest impossible girl that i would be dating and picking a quarrel that runs my patience out and in turn make me change without having any other girl. Or you could live happy by the moment while we could be together thinking about what we could do the next moment to make ourselves happy.

There's many things you didn't know. I'd said it to you so that you would know. Listen to it, see it. 

Sometimes, the subconscious mind has such an amazing ability that we will never understand. Take for example that i had been consciously looking for an important surgery disc my dad entrust me with for 3 days. But i couldn't find it.

Worried and bothered, I kept thinking about the CD as i had to pass it to him today. Amazingly, i dream about the location of it yesterday night. Inevitably, i woke up and opened up the drawer and dig over my CD rack that i went through before. To my surprise, there it was cunningly hidden over the rack. Much to my relief, my subconscious mind gave me the solution i need.

Things to do:
- Setting up Flicker account to sync with digital Photo Frame. (done)
- Apply for exit permit. (done)
- Get Organizer.
- Collect Graduation Pack (done)

A new year transcended 11 days ago and yesteryear seems nostalgic. Tugged between fond memories and a bad year end, I had closed the book of my love life for good. Unless there should be a good reason for me to reopen the chapters once again, if not this lock shall rust and lock away in my memory pockets.

I wonder if there is any Gelare where i can enjoy a freshly baked yummy waffle with cold ice cream melting deliciously over it. =(

Came across this image of a plan i have for Nala so that Michelle could watch Transformer with us cuz she mention it late and i did not book for her. But in the end she didn't come. =/ Take note of the footnote top right hand corner.

Intentions are always altered in line with its outcome, outcomes are also altered in line with its intentions.
What you see of what i do is what i think is right of me to, if you see otherwise then that is not wise.
Misinterpretations of my good intentions is not any forgery of my peaceful nature for a friend.
Do not look through me as if you saw through me, for this tinted vision may be your hallucination.


PS: Maybe from now on, i should be 'selectively nice' so that misinterpretations will not easily occur.

The late night sleeping made me a little grouchy, but all seems fine. Rocking away to the songs at work while churning away some work and multitasking as usual seems to be a breeze. *can't help to notice the groaning sound in 'Harder to breathe - Maroon 5'*

Random Utterly: Feel like being a doll now, where nothing in its environment affects its emotion. Standing there cool, as the wind entwines in its hair and flutters to show some the pale skin on the face. There's no thought nor trouble in this capsule of time she dwells herself in. Staring blankly into space, who wonders if its just another pain unknown under that pretty skin for she can't explain at all.

If i have superpowers, i would  shoot rainbows out of my eyes and paint the world pretty with colors before the dreaded Monday comes.